Have You Really Forgiven Them?

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)

Sometimes we think we've forgiven someone simply because we no longer deal with them.

We stopped calling.

We stopped responding.

We removed ourselves from the situation and moved on with our lives.

But distance and forgiveness aren't always the same thing.

You can stop speaking to someone and still replay what they did in your mind.

You can remove someone from your life and still become angry every time their name comes up.

You can say, “I'm over it,” while still carrying the hurt.

Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't mean you have to forget what happened, pretend you weren't hurt, or allow someone to continue mistreating you.

And forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation.

There may be situations where boundaries are necessary. You can forgive someone and still recognize that allowing them the same access to your life isn't wise.

But forgiveness does mean releasing the bitterness that can take root in our hearts.

Ephesians 4:32 tells us to forgive one another as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven us.

That's not always easy.

Sometimes forgiveness is a decision we have to keep making when old feelings resurface. We may have to pray about the same hurt more than once and ask God to help us release what we're still carrying.

Because unforgiveness doesn't only affect the person who hurt us.

It affects us.

It can follow us into new relationships, change how we trust people, and keep us emotionally connected to something God wants to heal.

So maybe the question isn't simply, “Did I stop dealing with them?”

The deeper question is, “Have I forgiven them?”

You don't have to give everyone access to you.

But you also don't have to carry bitterness because of what they did.

Ask God to help you release the hurt, protect your heart without hardening it, and forgive the way He has called us to forgive.

Have you ever realized that distancing yourself from someone wasn't the same as forgiving them? What helped you finally let go of the hurt? Share your experience in the comments below. Your testimony may encourage someone else who is struggling with forgiveness.

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